Jim's 'Go or Don't Go' - G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra

If you consider your time on this earth precious, stay away from G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra. While watching a movie, I shouldn't find myself going through a list of other things I'd rather be doing. I was ready to bail on this mess at 1 hour and 15 minutes, but Carrie talked me into sticking with it - a painful 40 more minutes. She owes me.

Once again, we have another movie based on a toy, this time the beloved action figure from my childhood. However, this G.I. Joe bares little resemblance to the G.I. Joe that I remember. "Joe" is a now multi-national team that fights for, well, I really couldn't figure who exactly who they fight for, but they seem to be the good guys at least. I guess it's just not politically correct to have a macho dude fighting for the good old U.S. of A. anymore. It may offend the "international community." I digress.

The plot, as it were, invloves a double-dealing arms dealer selling nano-mites, a super-secret weapon that can eat metal. The G.I. Joe team is sent into action to keep these nano-mites out of the wrong hands and being unleashed to destroy various cities around the globe. There is a lot of fighting, shooting, explosions, flying bodies (a LOT of flying bodies), an endless supply of weapons that make the bodies fly, weak attempts a humor, girls in leather, ninjas, shirtless guys, a cheesy love story, predictable plot turns ... yada yada. Oh yes, and my favorite line, Dennis Quaid shouting, "Release the sharks!"

Actually, I could have plugged the title of this film into my review of the Transformers sequel. The more I think about this movie, the more I dislike it. And, as with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, we have a inappropriate film based on a toy that was marketed to young kids. How it got a PG-13 rating is beyond me. This film had way too much profanity and violence for any 13 year old that I would be supervising.

Stay at home at play with the action figure. I say don't "Don't Go."